[simpits-chat] Dr. Fun III

[John P. Miguez]

Rob,

You speak more truth than you may realize.

John
----- Original Message -----
From: "Rob Hommel" <rhommel@tacoma.net>
To: <simpits-chat@simpits.org>
Sent: Friday, March 07, 2003 3:45 AM
Subject: Re: [simpits-chat] Dr. Fun III


> Thanks Jay for reminding us of all the things we had hoped we had
forgotten
> since catechism was banned in public schools. Now that the pledge of
> allegiance has been banned as well we can only hope that by having mullahs
> in public schools will help to answer the religious questions of tomorrows
> Muslim youth.
>
> Just kidding
> Keep 'em Flying
> Rob Hommel
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Joseph Fagner" <crease-guard@attbi.com>
> To: <simpits-chat@simpits.org>
> Sent: Thursday, March 06, 2003 9:07 PM
> Subject: RE: [simpits-chat] Dr. Fun III
>
>
> > Not from Dr. Fun, but funny if you have a warped sense of humor such as
> > mine.
> >
> > Jay
> >
> >
> > Subject: FW: Letter to Dr. Laura Schlessinger
> >
> >
> >
> > Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to
> > people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an
> > observant orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
> > Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The
> > following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, Jim,
> which
> > was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
> >
> > Dear Dr. Laura:
> > Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have
> > learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge
with
> as
> > many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
> lifestyle,
> > for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it
> to
> > be an abomination. End of debate.
> >
> > I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
> > specific laws and how to follow them.
> >
> > 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
> > pleasing odor for the Lord-Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
> claim
> > the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
> >
> > 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus
> > 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for
> her?
> >
> >
> > 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
> > period of menstrual cleanliness-Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I
> tell?
> > I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
> >
> > 4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
> female,
> > provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
> > claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify?
> > Why can't I own Canadians?
> >
> > 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
> > clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
> him
> > myself?
> >
> > 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
> > abomination-Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
> do
> > not agree. Can you settle this?
> >
> > 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have
a
> > defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
> > vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
> >
> > 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
> around
> > their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How
> > should they die?
> >
> > 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
> > unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
> >
> > 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different
> > crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of
two
> > different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to
curse
> > and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
trouble
> of
> > getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we
> > just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with
people
> > who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
> >
> > I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
> can
> > help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
> > unchanging.
> >
> > Your devoted fan,
> >
> > Jim
> >
> > pits-chat
> >
> >
> > _______________________________________________
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> > simpits-chat@simpits.org
> > http://www.simpits.org/mailman/listinfo/simpits-chat
>
>
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