[simpits-chat] Dr. Fun III

[Rob Hommel]

Thanks Jay for reminding us of all the things we had hoped we had forgotten
since catechism was banned in public schools. Now that the pledge of
allegiance has been banned as well we can only hope that by having mullahs
in public schools will help to answer the religious questions of tomorrows
Muslim youth.

Just kidding
Keep 'em Flying
Rob Hommel
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Joseph Fagner" <crease-guard@attbi.com>
To: <simpits-chat@simpits.org>
Sent: Thursday, March 06, 2003 9:07 PM
Subject: RE: [simpits-chat] Dr. Fun III


> Not from Dr. Fun, but funny if you have a warped sense of humor such as
> mine.
>
> Jay
>
>
> Subject: FW: Letter to Dr. Laura Schlessinger
>
>
>
> Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to
> people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an
> observant orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
> Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The
> following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, Jim,
which
> was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
>
> Dear Dr. Laura:
> Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
> learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with
as
> many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle,
> for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it
to
> be an abomination. End of debate.
>
> I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
> specific laws and how to follow them.
>
> 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
> pleasing odor for the Lord-Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim
> the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
>
> 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
> 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for
her?
>
>
> 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
> period of menstrual cleanliness-Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I
tell?
> I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
>
> 4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female,
> provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
> claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
> Why can't I own Canadians?
>
> 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
> clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
him
> myself?
>
> 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
> abomination-Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
do
> not agree. Can you settle this?
>
> 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
> defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
> vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
>
> 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around
> their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How
> should they die?
>
> 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
> unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
>
> 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
> crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
> different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
> and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
of
> getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we
> just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people
> who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
>
> I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
can
> help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
> unchanging.
>
> Your devoted fan,
>
> Jim
>
> pits-chat
>
>
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