[simpits-tech] Laugh, damn you! Laugh!

[Gene Buckle]

Two peanuts walk into a bar.  One was a salted.

A jumper cable walks into a bar.  The barman says "I'll serve you, but
don't
start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar.  The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve
food in
here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A

beer please, and one for the road."

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.  The ceremony
wasn't
much but the reception was great.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste
funny to you?"

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I
was
artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The
other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is

there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."  So he picks the dog
up
and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.  Finally, he says "I'm
going
to have to put him down."
"What, just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find

any.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't
reach the meat off the top shelf.  He said, 'no, the steaks are too
high.'

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.  He was pulled in by a strong
currant.

I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled a mussel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in
the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and
heat it too.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A "fsh. '

Two fish are in a tank.  One says to the other: "I'll man the guns, you
drive"



Now remember kids, you can build a man a fire and he'll be warm for an
evening, but if you set him on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his
life!

g.