[simpits-tech] humor

[Justin Messenger]

Some of these are old but there were I couple good
ones I hadnt seen,

Aviation Note: For those that don't know, "The Sled"
is the SR-71 Blackbird spy plane from the 1960's and
still the fastest airplane.

In his book, "Sled Driver", SR-71 Blackbird pilot
Brian Shul writes: "I'll always remember a certain
radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my
back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern
California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various
radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered
Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really
control us, they did monitor our movement across their
scope.  I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its
ground speed."90 knots" Center replied. Moments later,
a Twin Beech required the same. "120 knots,"Center
answered. We weren't the only ones proud of our ground
speed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly
transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground
speed readout." There was a slight pause, then the
response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another
silent pause. 
As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this
was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission
coming from my back-seater. It was at that precise
moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew,
for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen
20, you got a ground speed readout for us?" There was
a longer than normal pause.... "Aspen, I show 1,742
knots" (That's about 2004.658 mph for those who don't
know)
No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.
--------------------------------------------------
In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center
reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 600
(60,000ft). The incredulous controller, with some
disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get
up to 60,000 feet? 
The pilot (obviously a Sled driver), responded, "We
don't plan to go up to it; we plan to go down to it."
He was cleared.
-------------------------------------
The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38
revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel,
and then asked the navigator, 
"Do you know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"
The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get
me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it
on his chart table. 
The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest
sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost
before you will."
--------------------------------------------
When Hillary Clinton visited Iraq last month the Army
Blackhawk helicopter used to transport the Senator was
given the call sign "broomstick one". And they say the
Army has no sense of humor!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6
miles!" Delta 351:"Give us another hint! We have
digital watches!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the
tower to hold short of the runway while a MD80 landed.
The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied
back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in
the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute
little plane. 
Did you make it all by yourself?"
Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the
insult go by, came back with: "I made it out of MD80
parts. Another landing like that and I'll have enough
parts for another one." 
--------------------------------------------------
There's a story about the military pilot calling for a
priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter
was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told
the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52
that had one engine shut down. 
"Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine
approach."
----------------------------------------------
A student became lost during a solo cross-country
flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on
radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
 
--------------------------------------------------
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped,
turned around and returned to the gate. After an
hour-long wait, it finally took off. 
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
"What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the
engine," explained the flight attendant," and it took
us a while to find a new pilot." 
--------------------------------------------------
"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45
degrees."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can
we make up here?" 
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when
it hits a 727? 


 Douglas DC-8  
  www.dc8cockpit.catisp.com
   


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