[simpits-tech] Fw: real conversation between Pilots and ATC

[Ido Dekkers]

real conversations between pilots and ATC :


ATC: To avoid noise turn right 45 degrees
Pilot : what noise can i have at 35 thousand feet ?
ATC: the noise of your 707 colliding with the 727 in front of you

Pilot : good morning Bratislava
ATC : Good morning to you too, but this is Vienna
Pilot: I'm on final to Bratislava
ATC : But this is really Vienna
Pilot : Vienna ?
ATC : yes
Pilot : How can this be, I wanted to get to Bratislava
ATC : OK get out of final and turn left

ATC : are you flying an Airbus 340 or 320 ?
Pilot : 340 off course
ATC : Then please rev up your other 2 engines before takeoff

ATC : ( to a plain that landed really bad) a landing is no secret, it's OK
if the passengers know they are on the ground
Pilot : It's OK the clap anyway

Pilot : ( of an Alitalia plain that got hit by lightening and lost most of
it's avionics) we've lost almost everything, nothing works, even the
altimeter doesn't show anything...
after 5 minuets of nonstop complaints another pilot is heard :
Oh shut up and die like a man


Pilot : we are very short on fuel, please instruct
ATC : what is your location you are not on our screen
Pilot : we are on runway 2, waiting endlessly for the tanker

ATC : after landing please follow route alfa 7 then alfa 5, whiskey 2,
delta 1 and oscar 2
Plane : What's that ? I'm not form here
ATC : That's OK , I'm also here less then 2 days

Pilot : There is a burning landing light down there
ATC : I hope there is more then one
Pilot : Off course , but this one is really on fire

ATC : any problems
Pilot : I lost my compass
ATC : the way you are flying you lost everything

Pilot : requesting permission to take off
ATC : negative, we don't have your flight plan, were do you want to go?
Pilot : like any Monday, to Zaltzburg
ATC : today is Tuesday
Pilot : today is Tuesday ? that's our day off

Pilot : is there a lead vehicle here ?
ATC : Negative, please proceed to the gate on your own

ATC : what is the body count ?
Pilot : 2 people and a dog
ATC : ( after a rough landing) did the dog land the plane ?

ATC : please state your ETA
Pilot : hmm. i think Tuesday will be good for me

ATC : what is your height and location ?
Pilot : I'm one meter eighty, located in the front of the plane on the left

ATC : do you have enough fuel ?
Pilot : yes
ATC : yes what ?
Pilot : Yes sir


and if it wasn't so frightening .. it could have been funny.



P.S. sorry for the bad English, it is a translation from Hebrew that was
translated from English...



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