[simpits-tech] Warranty Card

[Rob Hommel]

Some time back some person requested a copy of the McDonnell Douglas
Warranty Card. I honestly don't remember if anyone replied to the request,
just in case I will reproduce it for your amusement. It's sort of slow
anyway.



Warranty Card
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best meet your needs and desires.

 1.
 [_] Mr.
 [_] Mrs.
 [_] Ms.
 [_] Miss
 [_] Lt.
 [_] Gen.
 [_] Comrade
 [_] Classified
 [_] Other

 First Name: ....................................................

 Initial: ........

 Last Name: .....................................................

 Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)

 Code Name: .....................................................

 Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........

 2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?

    [_] F-14 Tomcat
    [_] F-15 Eagle
    [_] F-16 Falcon
    [_] F-117A Stealth
    [_] Classified

 3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /......./......

 4. Serial Number: ..............................................

 5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

    [_] Received as gift / aid package
    [_] Catalogue / showroom
    [_] Independent arms broker
    [_] Mail order
    [_] Discount store
    [_] Government surplus
    [_] Classified

 6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
 product you have just purchased:

    [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
    [_] Store display
    [_] Espionage
    [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
    [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
    [_] Was attacked by one

 7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

    [_] Style / appearance
    [_] Speed / maneuverability
    [_] Price / value
    [_] Comfort / convenience
    [_] Kickback / bribe
    [_] Recommended by salesperson
    [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
    [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
    [_] Backroom politics
    [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

 8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be
 used:

    [_] North America
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Aircraft carrier
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Europe
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Africa
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Asia / Far East
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Misc. Third World countries
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Classified
    [_] Iraq

 9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend
to purchase in the near future:

    [_] Color TV
    [_] VCR
    [_] ICBM
    [_] Killer Satellite
    [_] CD Player
    [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
    [_] Space Shuttle
    [_] Home Computer
    [_] Nuclear Weapon

 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
 (Indicate all that apply:)

    [_] Communist / Socialist
    [_] Terrorist
    [_] Crazed
    [_] Neutral
    [_] Democratic
    [_] Dictatorship
    [_] Corrupt
    [_] Primitive / Tribal

 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

    [_] Deficit spending
    [_] Cash
    [_] Suitcases of cocaine
    [_] Oil revenues
    [_] Personal check
    [_] Credit card
    [_] Ransom money
    [_] Traveler's check

 12. Your occupation:

    [_] Homemaker
    [_] Sales / marketing
    [_] Revolutionary
    [_] Clerical
    [_] Mercenary
    [_] Tyrant
    [_] Middle management
    [_] Eccentric billionaire
    [_] Defense Minister / General
    [_] Retired
    [_] Student

 13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate
 the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
 participating on a regular basis:

    [_] Golf
    [_] Boating / sailing
    [_] Sabotage
    [_] Running / jogging
    [_] Propaganda / misinformation
    [_] Destabilization / overthrow
    [_] Default on loans
    [_] Gardening
    [_] Crafts
    [_] Black market / smuggling
    [_] Collectibles / collections
    [_] Watching sports on TV
    [_] Wines
    [_] Interrogation / torture
    [_] Household pets
    [_] Crushing rebellions
    [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
    [_] Fashion clothing
    [_] Border disputes
    [_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas
serve
you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups,
and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you
will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder
Sweepstakes!

Keep 'em Flying
Rob Hommel