[simpits-chat] good groaners (fwd)

[Brian Sikkema]

Muha. Classic.

Brian
The ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the dreams of the
countless millions of earthbound ancestors who could only stare skyward and
wish.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Gene Buckle" <geneb at deltasoft.com>
To: <simpits-chat at simpits.org>
Sent: Wednesday, June 16, 2004 8:36 PM
Subject: [simpits-chat] good groaners (fwd)


>
> Oooooh, you're going to groan on these......
>
>
>
>
> Just When You Thought Your Email Was Safe!
>
> 1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
> ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
>
>
>
> 2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
> The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
>
>
>
> 3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
> but don't start anything."
>
>
>
> 4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
>
>
>
> 4A. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't
> serve food in here."
>
>
>
> 5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
>
>
>
> 6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
>
> "A beer please, and one for the road."
>
>
>
> 7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
> taste funny to you?"
>
>
>
> 8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
>
> "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
>
> "Is it common?"
>
> "It's Not Unusual."
>
>
>
> 9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly,
> "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
> said Dolly.
>
> "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
>
>
>
> 10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
> look at either.
>
>
>
> 11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
>
>
>
> 12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed,
> is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have
> a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks
> his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?
> Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
>
>
>
> 13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there
> are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my
> mom or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother
> Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
>
>
>
> 14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
> find any.
>
>
>
> 15. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he
> couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
>
> He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
>
>
>
> 16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
> "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
>
> The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
>
>
>
> 17. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
>
>
>
> 18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
> in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it
> too.
>
>
>
> 19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
>
>
> 20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
>
>
>
>
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>


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