[simpits-chat] Unclassified. Air humour

[Ben Jones]

Subject: SEC: Unclassified. Air humour


>
> > In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes: "I'll
> > always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt
(my
> > backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles
high.
> > We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we
> > entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they
> > did monitor our movement across their scope.
> > I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed." "90 knots"
Center
> > replied.
> > Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120 knots," Center
> > answered.
> > We weren't the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as almost
> > instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, 'Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests
> > groundspeed readout.' There was a slight pause, then the response, "525
> > knots on the ground, Dusty."
> > Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation
> > this
> > was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my
> > backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had
become
> > a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison." "Center, Aspen 20,
you
> > got a groundspeed readout for us?" There was a longer than normal pause
> > .... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots"
> >
> > No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.
> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> > In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a
> > request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The incredulous controller,
> > with
> > some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000
> > feet? The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to
go
> > up to it, we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.
> > -------------------------------------
> > The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He
placed
> > it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you
> > know what I use this for?"
> > The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"
> > The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
> > The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart
table.
> > The pilot asked, "What's that for?"
> > "To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before
> > you
> > will."
> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> > More tower chatter:
> > Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
> > Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
> > ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> > One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short
of
> > the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned
> > around,
> > and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the
MD80
> > crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make
it
> > all by yourself?"
> > Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came
back
> > with: "I made it out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that and I'll
> > have
> > enough parts for another one."
> > -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> > There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
> > because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."
> > Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind
a
> > B-52 that had one engine shut down.
> > "Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."
> > -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> > A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting
> > to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known
> > position?"
> > Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
> > -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> > Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and
> > returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
> > A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the
problem?"
> > "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained
the
> > flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
> > -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> > "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
> > "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
> > "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
> >
> >
>