[simpits-chat] WHY women are crancy - a male perspective
Wed, 15 Jan 2003 12:52:15 +0100
Why Women are Cranky (The Male Perspective)
Hé, wife, stop whining and bring me more beer!
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Gene Buckle [mailto:email@example.com]
> Sent: dinsdag 14 januari 2003 21:16
> To: firstname.lastname@example.org
> Subject: [simpits-chat] WHY women are crancy - a female
> perspective (fwd)
> This was forwarded to me by my sister-in-law. enlightening. :)
> Why Women are Cranky (The Female Perspective)
> We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to
> find anything that comes in contact with those tender,
> blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the
> almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in
> school will snap until we have calluses on our backs.
> Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or
> sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we
> cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little
> mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton
> rods in places we didn't even know we had.
> Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having
> sex for the first time which is about as much fun as having a
> ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it
> right and didn't end up with his little cart before his
> horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
> Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry
> crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the
> entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing
> creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the
> growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards
> night and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's
> Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a
> watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze.
> When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether
> Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the mall
> and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in pain
> all the way to the ER. Then it's huff and puff and beg to die
> while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar.
> Calm down and push. Just one more (or 10 ) good push,"
> warranting a strong,
> well- deserved impulse to punch the bastard (and hubby)
> square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling,
> mushroom-headed 10lb. bowling ball through a keyhole.
> After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that
> when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings
> morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing,
> life-sucking little poop machines.
> The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are almost grown
> now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our
> mid-30's to early 40's while hubby had his somewhere around
> his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the reason all
> that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the first place).
> Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother
> of all womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer
> in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether
> Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and
> pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.
> Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when
> men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being
> able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...
> Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the
> Great Ghandi a tad crabby.
> Women are the "weaker sex."? Yeah right. Bite me.
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