[simpits-chat] WHY women are crancy - a female perspective (fwd)

Gene Buckle simpits-chat@simpits.org
Tue, 14 Jan 2003 12:16:05 -0800 (PST)

This was forwarded to me by my sister-in-law.  enlightening. :)


Why Women are Cranky (The Female Perspective)

We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find
anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts
bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training
bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along
with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone
crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert
packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for
the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push
through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his
little cart
before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers
water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over
Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are),
we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily
kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're having
Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon
whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment
arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst
right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon
moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it's huff and puff and
to die
while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm
and push. Just one more (or 10 ) good push," warranting a strong,
well- deserved impulse to punch the bastard (and hubby) square in the
nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb. bowling
ball through a keyhole.

After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when
that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into
jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop

The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are almost grown now
and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early
40's while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which
just happens to be the reason all that early hot man sex got you
pregnant in the first place).

Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all
womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those now
seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like
a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the
head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be
more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing
on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their

Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the
Great Ghandi a tad crabby.

Women are the "weaker sex."? Yeah right. Bite me.