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<P align=justify><FONT color=#0000ff size=4>Kulula is an Airline with head
office situated in Johannesburg.</FONT></P>
<P align=justify><FONT color=#0000ff size=4>Kulula airline attendants make
an effort to make the in-flight</FONT></P>
<P align=justify><FONT color=#0000ff size=4>"safety lecture" and
announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some</FONT></P>
<P align=justify><FONT color=#0000ff size=4>real examples that have been
heard or reported:</FONT></P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you
just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time
choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not
picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify><FONT color=#0000ff>---o0o---</FONT></P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant
crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising
altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your
comfort and to enhance</P>
<P align=justify>the appearance of your flight attendants."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>----o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take
all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make
sure it's something we'd like to have."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>----o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are
only 4 ways out of this airplane."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>---o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving
us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>-------o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban
Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella.
WHOA!"</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>-----o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify> </P>
<P align=justify>After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms
in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care
when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
sure as hell everything has shifted."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 245 to
Calgary. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle,
and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you
don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>---o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify> </P>
<P align=justify>"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks
will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it
over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your
mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than
one small child, pick your favourite."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>---o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>----o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify> </P>
<P align=justify>"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the
event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them
with our compliments."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>---o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify> </P>
<P align=justify>"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants.. Please do not leave children or spouses."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>-------o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify> </P>
<P align=justify>And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula
Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight
attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this
flight!"</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>---------o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify> </P>
<P align=justify>Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in
Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was
quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it
wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the
flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>----------o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>Overheard on an Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please
remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis
what's</P>
<P align=justify>left of our airplane to the gate!"</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify> </P>
<P align=justify>----------o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces
us to the terminal."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>---o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he
had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a
policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the
Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline.
He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
comment.</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old
lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a
question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old
lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>---o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the
attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats
until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the
warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your
way</P>
<P align=justify>through the wreckage to the terminal."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>---o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd
like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you
get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized
metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you
wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you
can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>---o0o---</P>
<P align=justify></P>
<P align=justify>A plane was taking off from Durban Airport. After it
reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement
over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The
weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and
uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence
followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on The intercom
and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.
While I was talking to</P>
<P align=justify>you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of
hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger
then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!</P>
<P align=justify></P></FONT></FONT></DIV>
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